Log: Impromtu Overseer Staghorn

[staghorn]

1st Granite, 1052

Why am I now the leader of this place?

No, really. Why?

One moment, I'm cutting up a stone brick to make into a fresh +talc mug+.

The next, I'm whisked out of my quarters and up to Griggs himself.

"Well, boyo, you're the boss now. I'm going to go take a nap."

And that's how I became the overseer.



Well, I did once manage a fort in the tropics (that got wrecked by a beast from the underground known only as "Ignathalon", in reality a rather nasty cave crocodile), so it shouldn't be too hard to handle.

But shit, this place looks alien.



And there's beasties lurking out there...

[staghorn]

Still 1st Granite, 1052

Okay, first order of business, check the stocks to see what-



-the fuck. Do we even...?



...we don't have a freaking bookkeeper. HOW THE HELL DO WE NOT EVEN HAVE A FREAKING BOOKKEEPER?

Well, that can be fixed. Assign the clerk to the point, dig him an office, and all should be well.

6th Granite, 1052

Okay, I have no problem with Griggs. Funny guy. Great imagination. But there's some critical oversights that he made.

First off, we don't have a freaking hospital. There's a doctor in this fort (mad as a hammerer, but he's still a doctor), and there's no hospital. I heard that the Mad Dok wanted to make the hospital himself. Okay, fine, I don't want him to go after me. But if another dwarf gets so much as a paper cut, I'm building it. Screw being operated on without anesthetic.

Second, a few of the stockpiles are filled to the brim with stones from when they were dug out. Dump that shit. The coke and the iron bars aren't going anywhere, and they're interfering with production.

Third, it turns out that the clerk is our main metalsmith. Whoop de freaking do. Well, nothing that I can't handle myself. Might as well write that stuff down myself.

Fourth, food is at a low. And if it's not, it will be sooner or later. Well, we have a spare animal dissector. Go hunt stuff.

Lastly, stonefall traps don't work too well. I told the smith to craft some sawblades for a weapon trap or two. It won't be much, but it's better than a rockslide. Goblins are artful dodgers.

Of course, Griggs needs to get off his ass and make the traps. Lazy bum.

4th Slate, 1052

There's a dog sitting in our depot. I think I have a better use for him.



Actually, he looks even more horse than dog. I'm going to call him "Pony". But he still can't compare to my little Sarvesh...

So cute~.

[staghorn]

14th Slate, 1052

Okay, time to make my mark on the fortress.

I've heard rumors that there's caverns under fortresses. Deep ones with trees, plants, mud, and things with many teeth.

The mud is what interests me. We have, as of right now, one hundred and ninety-four seeds, all of them for underground plants. We also have a planter with nothing to do.

Well, mine, boys!

Aha!



We've struck paydirt! And regular dirt! And not a beast in sight! Well, get to work.

A later Slate, 1052

What the... there's a pit leading downward.



This is interesting. But let's ignore it for now.

I'm setting up a walled-off farm down in the underground for... well, farming. Should be foolproof.

But then again, these are utter beasts down here, not fools...

22nd Slate, 1052



Lovely.

We've got a jeweler (that's good, he can go to work soon), a fish dissector (...no. Go away.), a carpenter (that's... fine, I guess), a strand extractor (...I don't even know.), a cook (okay), another carpenter (okay, you're not needed), a bowyer (in actuality, a new maceman for the army), a "farmer" (cheese maker/wood burner - no, just no), a Tanner (good, I suppose), a woodcutter (another good soldier), a butcher (great!), a woodworker (...), a diagnoser (another soldier), a craftsdwarf (hey, bub, that's my job), a stonecrafter (fine), a metalcrafter, a miner (and adequate marksdwarf - yay!), another strand extractor (...WHY?!), a high master siege engineer (ha! Take that, you lazy, unorganized bum!), and... why are they running?



Uh-oh.

[staghorn]

25th Slate, 1052

There's some sort of ice demon chasing my dwarves. I've sent out my top men (actually, the only military dwarves around) to kill it.

And also-OH MY GOD THERE'S A BIRD IN THE HALLS AND IT'S EATING MY MASON.



Fuck the ice demon, this is in my turf.

3rd Felsite, 2052

The bird (which had great stonking horns like an elk - truly, the cave is a strange place) is dead. After mortally mauling my mason, it made a mad dash for the exit, where it sidestepped the stone traps before being diced by a sawblade. I knew that those would come in handy.

The ice demon was torn limb from limb by my military.



However, the militia captain Dod(lever)k (you make the sound by moving your tongue like a lever being pulled) isn't doing so well.



And-oh, god, there's another bird. This one managed to run all about the base (including into the trap corridor and it didn't die) pursued by my army before a miner managed to decapitate it with his pick.

Don't ask me how, he just did.

Anyway, I'm sealing off the cavern. Fuck those things.



Let's just seperate all of dwarvendom from the "elk birds". There is nothing down there worth salvaging.

[staghorn]

18th Felsite, 1052

The elves have arrived.



I don't actually mind the elves. They have animals that they can give us.

And... I just got a memo from Swift that the broker is hospitalized.

...great.

23rd Felsite, 1052

There's elk birds roaming the halls. I didn't learn, so I unsealed the caverns. Plus, there was a dwarf that was still alive down there. But they're pretty harmless, as long as they-



NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Okay, fuck the elk birds. Every single last elk bird is going to die. I swear, by Zefon Bal Atrid, they will all-



...oh, fuck.

[staghorn]

3rd Hematite, 1052

...ow.

As of right now, I am lying in a bed in the hospital.



Despite my pain, I will try to narrate the events to you.

The cavern is much safer now. The elk birds are gone, and the walls are up. Thank goodness, because we require both water from the caverns and food from the farms down there. Unfortunately, military actions aren't my strong point, so we're goint to try to use lots of walls.

The dining hall has been upgraded with decorative animals, mostly bought from the elves. Now we can look at a wolf, a raccoon, a jaguar, and one of those elk birds



Also, we're going to need a soap industry, or else we'll probably die of infection. And that would suck.

The elven liason is waiting in the hospital for reasons unknown. Probably so he can talk to an invalid.

19th Hematite, 1052



Interesting.

Fortunately, the strand extractor that's now a mason managed to break one of its arms and knock it out. I won't worry about it anymore.

24th Hematite, 1052

Damnit, I could have sworn that we had TWO doctors around here. Where'd the sane one go? I haven't seen him in quite some time. What happened to him?



And what's this I hear about my old office being hijacked?



4th Malachite, 1052

I've found the doctor that went missing. He came rushing in, holding something in his hands.



I looked over it. It was a very nice bracelet, crafted of wood.



"That's nice," I said, "but what's the purpose of this thing?"

"Don't be daft!" said the doctor, now a woodcrafter. "Ya wear it!"

I guess I will, once I get out of bed.

13th Malachite, 1052

Okay, I think that I'm healthy enough to get out of bed. Let's go get a drink.

"Excuse me. Excuse me!"



You have got to be kidding me.

[staghorn]

22nd Malachite, 1052

Three months after being savaged by the ice demon...



I'll bury him next to the dead mason.

And the caverns appear to be home to, if nothing else, troglodytes. We've caught one, and there was another. He died very quickly.

10th Galena, 1052



Fuck yeah.

18th Galena, 1052

The humans have arrived to trade.



One of them was attacked by an ice demon, and got butchered by her own pike. The ice demon then dashed for the fort, mauled the watchdog, ran after a cat, and disappeared into the wastes.

As autumn comes along, I wonder what's in store for this fortress.

1st Limestone, 1052

It has come to my knowledge that I am, in fact, a woman. This is an interesting discovery.

26th Limestone, 1052

I have found a reason for the lack of soap production.



The lye is freezing due to being in a workshop made of ice. That will be fixed shortly.

2nd Sandstone

There's a shitload of troglodytes in the underground caverns. And why is the stonecrafter looking so...



My old office is open season, isn't it.

9th Sandstone



That's quite lovely.



I don't get that. There's many figurines and carvings of sasquatches smiting humans and goblins. Are they really that dangerous?

I've had the engravers get to work engraving the dining hall. By the way, our groups symbol is a fly, and the symbol of the mountainhome is an image of squares. Yes, it's an image of an image.

But at least the engravers have respect for the beloved dead.



1st Timber, 1052

Great. Another ice demon attacked. The army was on top of it quickly, but because the weapons that I crafted were taken by other military dwarves, combined with the laziness of the commander, the only soldiers on the scene were wrestlers, who proceeded to punch the blizzard man. By the time they got there, the metalcrafter had bled to death.

Well, time to make another coffin.

[staghorn]

15th Timber

Abysschill is going swimmingly. The trogs and the elk birds haven't been seen in ages, the lye is thawed, and everything's rosy. Wait a second, what's tha-



SHIT.

EVERYONE INSIDE, NOW.

25th Timber, 1052

The fortress is mortally wounded, I'd say. The ambush is gone, but so is half of the fortress. We have dwarves set up so that when they get past the traps, they'll

Wait, where are you going?



...they're going to get shot.

No, I'm not sending out my troops to attack them. They ARE my troops. What are they doing?

Quickly, the stupid axedwarf was mowed down, and the commander turned and ran, pursued by a macegoblin across the snows. The goblin forces streaked toward my base and...



...stopped.

The commander was slain by the macegoblin chasing him, and the goblins moved into the base. The watchmule was shot. And then...



I'd call that an incredible stroke of luck, but it wasn't.

The troops rushed out to attack the goblins (before they even hit the traps - quite foolish, I'd say). Some of them, were caught by the cage trap. A wrestler fell, and then...



We're fucked, 100%.

The caravan was hit with a resounding crunch. They didn't stand a chance.

I did the only thing I could think of.

I drafted every dwarf I could see to dogpile the goblin invaders.

And they did. The first goblin wave was crushed by the weight of a whole lotta dwarves.

And then they dashed outside to "pickup equipment".

I'm surrounded by morons.

They arrived back at the base at the same time as the second ambush. The squad was annihalated.

Oh, god.

I drafted even more dwarves into the squad, but by then, the goblin invaders had lost interest.

We had survived the ambush.

Or had we?

The doctor is out. Cold.



Eleven dwarves are dead. Six more are wounded.

Winter is upon us, and we're probably screwed.

[staghorn]

2nd Moonstone, 1052



He got the worst of the attack.

So why is HE out and about while the doctor is out cold?

Speaking of which, the carpenter is now our doctor while the Mad Dok is out cold. Hopefully, he can get him back on his feet so that a REAL doctor can manage the boys.

1st Opal, 1052



...the fuck?

5th Opal, 1052

The doctor is in. "Mad Dok Swift" is back on his feet and ready to roll.

18th Opal, 1052

Okay, time for a damage assessment.

Miners are okay, for the most part.
All of the masonry dwarves are dead. We'll have to fix that.
The jeweler is alive.
We have enough woodsmen to last.
No clue about the metalsmiths, although I'm pretty sure that they're dead.
Lost a shitload of craftsmen. The only ones left are me and the one that made the figurine.
We have enough farmers.
Griggs is unscathed.

24th Opal, 1052



Wait a second, it's raiding the dead caravan.

Wait, dead caravan?

JACKPOT!

19th Obsidian, 1052

Troglodytes have taken over the farms. I'd send in some troops, but they're all afflicted with rigor mortis.

And it looks like they're running away from something, hiding in here. But what are they running from?



24th Obsidian, 1052

I remember what I said about things with sharp teeth when I decided to bore into the underground.

The Elk Birds lacked teeth.
The troglodytes have teeth, but they're not too sharp.

But this thing has fangs.

The broked decided to go hunting in the underground - oveall, very unwise. For his trouble, some monster ripped his head off in one easy motion.

It looks rather... valuable. I'd try to lure it towards the cage traps, but that thing can spit webs. It appears to be a giant cave spider. It's called "Stelidsub", and I'm leaving it the fuck alone.

Oh, and one of the dwarves had a baby, but I don't care.

1st Granite, 1053

You know what? Screw this. I'm done being the boss of this joint.

There's monsters outside, monsters down below, over half of the dwarves are dead or wounded, and it's really fucking cold.



I'm going to the mountainhome so I can manage a fort by the seaside. You guys are on your own.